Skip to main content

How to avoid being a celebrity

Some things sneak up on you unobserved. I had previously thought that I would have stopped this daily diary after 100 editions. Just hadn't noticed that yesterday was that milestone.

Today has its own significance. The words written here will take the total over the 120 thousand mark.

So today marks diary day 101. George Orwell created the original Room 101 as the place that the enemies of Big Brother are consigned to. And the fearsome Big Brother has been transmogrified into a "reality" show on TV. Just like Room 101.

These are both programs I am unlikely to watch. A quick glance or two at Room 101 took no time to persuade me that I found it neither humorous, informative nor entertaining.

The whole genre of "reality" shows, from which it appears "celebrity" emerges is as far from entertainment as I could imagine.

But does it do any harm to society as a whole that TV broadcasts some programs for which I have zero affinity? Probably not. So far, nobody is compelling me to watch anything. I am familiar with the purpose of the red button on the remote control.

Nearly fifty years ago, we had big red buttons in the computer room.

Computers then were large. They required substantial air-conditioning and standby power. When I was responsible for computer operation at Bank of Scotland in the late 1980s, the two halls for our processors were 1,200 square metres each.

The standby power could deliver 6 megawatts and the array of car batteries that protected continuous operation between our mains electricity failing and the eight generators spinning up, a 20-second gap, weighed forty tons.

The air-con could extract 6 million BTUs (British Thermal Units) from the computer halls each hour. One BTU is the amount of heat to raise one pound of water by one degree Fahrenheit. To translate that into something meaningful, that's enough heat to change a fifteen-tonne block of ice into boiling water.

The calculation: raising water from ice to boiling is to go from 32F to 212F, a 180 degree Fahrenheit lift; a tonne is 1,000 kilograms which is 2,204.6 pounds; so to boil 1 tonne of ice requires 180 times 2,204 BTUs which is 396,828. Divide 6,000,000 by that number, and it's just over 15.

BTUs have long vanished. We now measure energy instead of heat. And our 6 million BTUs are now a bit over a billion Joules. Mr Joule, who was a brewer from Salford, discovered the relationship between heat and mechanical work in the 1840s. It took us a long time to catch up.

So back to the big red button.

The computer room, filled as it was by lots of energy (ibid), and the electricity that provided it, needed to be safe environment from the 55 or so people who worked on each shift. So liberally scattered around the room were "big red buttons" which, if pressed, shut off all power to the equipment there.

In the early days, when it took our computers some hours to complete a task which our domestic laptops would do in seconds today, the bumping into a red button could have quite serious consequences. A carelessly wheeled trolley was exactly the right height to nudge the button.

Indeed in a number of post-unscheduled-power-down reviews, the classic computer operator's phrase; "I was on my break at the time", was coined. Sometimes replaced by crossed arms with pointing fingers left and right to indicate "it wis'nae me".

Big red buttons moved to slightly recessed boxes to minimise accidental hits. And the TLA (three-letter acronym), BRB (big red button) as in, "did they BRB it?" was invented.

To this day almost every kitchen has a BRB to cut power to the cooker. It lives on. And a techie help-desk today may still offer the advice when all else seems to have failed, "have you tried powering it off and on?". I am told that their internal reports on their activities may still say, "Advice offered: BRB".

The big red button was not the only hazard in the early days of commercial computing.

Our first purpose-built computer centre was at 2 Robertson Avenue in Edinburgh. And across the road was Ferranti who at that time was developing a new on-board radar system for the next generation of RAF fighters. That involved their firing very focussed radio waves around their laboratory.

Some used to shoot over the road to reach our computers with rather unfortunate effects. The flashing lights on the panel, you could sometimes actually identify which program was running by the progression of the pattern of lights, would stop flashing and a red light at the bottom of the panel would come on. It meant, "Help! I have failed."

BRB time.

Our resident engineers spoke to Ferranti. Since they were working on a defence project, the Offical Secrets Acts applied. No information came back to us. So Heath Robinson to the rescue. (Wikipedia: temporary fixes using ingenuity and whatever is to hand, often string and tape, or unlikely cannibalisations).

A fence, between our computers and our neighbours across the road, constructed from kitchen foil and connected to a couple of car batteries created a barrier to their radar waves (the Faraday Cage effect). Normal service resumed. Just hope enemies did not use the same approach to block aircraft radar.

Two further external hazards could affect our big computer systems.

There used to be a lot of large cables connecting various bits of equipment together. That ran beneath a false floor where you could lift any tile to gain access. There was a big void, about half a metre deep, beneath the floor. Operators working weekends would often bring snacks into the computer hall. Food debris could make its way onto the void—even the occasional empty beer can.

This was a rodent food supply waiting to be exploited. And it was. Inevitably some took up residence and looked for nesting material. The insulation around cables does nicely thank you. Rodent teeth are sharp and sufficient to bring down our systems.

Being a bank's computer centre, one of our activities was processing cheques. The IBM 1419 cheque reader sorters could process 1,100 cheques a minute. In 1971 when I had to write my first piece of software to use them, we processed just over a million cheques a day. For reasons I won't bore you with, the cheques had to go through the machine several times. There was a lot of fast-moving paper.

Paper is an excellent carrier for static electricity. And when it moves, it can acquire quite high voltage electricity. (remember your school's Van de Graaff generator which could charge you up with 2 million volts? - "it's the volts what thrills, it's the amps what kills")

The operators of the 1419s did not work to three shifts and included a number of part-timers. In those less-enlightened days, when programmers and their managers were about 50-50 female-male, cheque reader operators were almost all female. Almost inevitably they would wander across to gossip with male operators who might be in physical contact with the computer's processing box.

These ladies had picked up many volts from the cheques and carried them across to be transferred, via a male operator, to the computer. Red lights again.

We had to forbid the wearing of any nylon clothing - perfect for carrying electricity - and buy our cheque reader operators cotton underwear.

Today's so much more powerful equipment which we carry around our homes and use in our offices is so incomparably immune to such quirks of electricity that modern users don't know how fragile these big old machines were.

But good that the BRB (big red button) lives on. Prominent on the TV commander.

Where would I be if I could not switch off some of the unmitigated rubbish plucked from the ether by our satellite dish?

Is it time for a day of calm contemplation once a year?

A day without telly. Let's consign it, but with the chance of a reprieve, to Room 101.

National Big Red Button day.

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Settling In

It's now eighteen months since we settled in Edinburgh after a couple of delightful decades in rural Banffshire. Having never lived in a city, we viewed the move with caution and a degree of planning. The car sits relatively idle in residents' parking in our street. It did only about 2,000 miles between its 2021 and 2022 MoT checks. With the nearest Edinburgh City Car Club pickup point just round the corner, I have only to persuade herself that a further conversion of lifestyle would make sense. The garden flat in which we now live suits us fine. Quite a substantial downsize has meant a clear-out of much impedimenta from 50+ years of marriage. And for the first time, we live permanently together. Big changes. With the time to pursue what has been a hobby since the 1960s - genealogical research - that is precisely what has moved centre stage in my daily activities. Enrolment in an MSc course at the University of Strathclyde. Edinburgh is a large village, and on my daily wal...

Waiting for the last piece

Since I joined my first virtual meeting of a Parliamentary Committee just over a month ago, I have attended seventeen such meetings. Over exactly the same period one year ago it was thirteen. In 2006 it was ten. So my personal activity level has risen quite a bit by that measure. However, speaking in debates since 23rd April, my baseline date for this discussion, to the end of May has come down to two compared with five last year. The same figure applies in 2006. The number of words has similarly declined from about 3,500 to 1,400 over the various periods. The baseline of 23rd April is not totally arbitrary. Lockdown started in the week beginning 23rd March, although the Parliament's over-70s were asked not to attend from 17th March. So it took the Parliament a month to move from a legislature that depended on physical presence to one which could work largely online. As that involved finding software, testing software, developing new procedures and - this was the biggest ch...

Seamus Logan Adopted as Westminster Candidate

SNP Westminster candidate for Aberdeenshire North and Moray East Cllr Seamus Logan has been formally adopted by the local SNP members as their candidate for the next UK General Election. Seamus has been campaigning across the constituency since being selected last year but the political tradition of holding an 'Adoption Meeting' in this election year was continued last Friday at a well-attended event in the Station Hotel, Portsoy. Aberdeen South MP and Leader of the SNP Westminster Group Stephen Flynn spoke at the event as did former Banffshire and Buchan Coast MSP Stewart Stevenson and Seamus Logan’s candidacy was unanimously approved by all present. Speaking in Portsoy on Friday night, Seamus Logan said: "I'm honoured to be the SNP candidate for Aberdeenshire North and Moray East. The SNP's priority right now is protecting people from the worst effects of the current cost of living crisis, ensuring we have a controlled and just transition as the renewables...